Wel I havent been around for ages now..I have alot of reading to do!! Not much gossip really. My old dog is still hanging on, despite having booked his ticket to heaven twice now, and cancelled as he seems to know, and perks up every time!
The weather is so depressing, are we ever gonna get a summer?? I havent had any of the terrible floods that alot have had, and am thankful for that. Give it 2 weeks and we'll have a bloody hosepipe ban!
Tomorrow I am going night fishing! Im not interested in fishing at all, but I thought itd be fun to go along for the camping part of it!
Me n his majesty are back together...I kinda thought that after 34 years of never feeling lke this about anyone, it was worth one more shot, and, at the moment Im really glad I did. We are gettin on so well, and Im feeling great about it all. who knows what will happen in the future, but for now Im hanging on to this feeling! OK enough of the soppy crap, before you all puke on your keyboards!
I hope all my friends here are well, n ill write again soon!

I think soon I will delete my last post, that nasty pic keeps popping up and its quite depressing! He still doesnt know Ive seen the pics, I wont tell him, he'll say its a friend, accuse me of being jealous, have a moan at me, and tell me ' i was considering us gettin back together but you've just f***cked it up now' Hes so bloody predictable! This, if Im caught offguard, will depress me even more. Instead, i have done something that is really gonna get to him, and its made me feel much better :-)
Anyway monday is here...today Im off to persuade my mum to buy me a new car. well she wont actually buy it..the car I have now is on finance, in her name ( I have a terible credit rating) and i want to swap it for one a bit more expensive. The current one is an estate..as m work at the time involved carting lots of dogs around all day. Now im not doing that anymore i want something a bit more posey..maybe a mid life crisis..and possibly brought on by the fact my bf has dumped me for someone that looks like a horse...but anyway, Ive seen a lovely golf convertible, and ive always wanted a convertible...so fingers crossed! Mum hasnt actually said no, which is always a good sign! Im hoping the sun will come out at some point today...its been lovely the last couple days, not that ive seen much of it. Ive been curled up on sofa with a blanket most of weekend, in a state of depression..what a bloody waste!

His majesty went to alton towers for the weekend, with a few friends, 2 of which I knew were female friends; It was all arranged though a dance site that hes a member of...anyway after searching to find any pics posted this is what i found...and no, the girl isnt me!

2 people have added 'lovely' to my user tags, almost brought a tear to my eye! lol. One says lovely soul, and the other 'lovely...sure'. Now im not sure what the 'sure' part means!
Anyway its approaching friday night, which means im about to blare some music out, have a few drinks, and get ready to go out. Im not sure gettin really drunk is a good idea with my current state of mind...but I need a drink! Anyway, I intend on having lots of fun :-) When I had my dog put to sleep a few months back, i went out and got really drunk...worst idea ive ever had...woke up in morning on sofa, fully clothed, including coat, make up all down my face and olivers old collar around my neck!!!!! Well i did warn you im slightly insane!
I havent sent the letter to his majesty yet, because firstly i still havent finished it, and secondly hes away till sunday so he wont get email yet anyway. Anyway my plan of the moment, is im gonna do as i like and be a total bitch to him ( having lots of fun in the meantime) BUT my plans dont always go according to plan! My best friend always gets very worried when i have a 'plan'!
I recieved a couple more texts from the ex today. why cant i treat his majesty like i do the ex??...heres the convo...
ex : hi babe, do you know whats happening with you and bf yet?
me : I dont have a clue, hes playing silly games, so im gona mess him around a bit
ex : how long will it take you to drive over here, ive got a headache and could do with some tlc
me: Im too busy
ex: ok darling, your mind is obviously messed up at the moment, Ill see you next week instead ( !!!!!)
me: hahaha you twat!
ex: what have i told you about calling me that
me: yeah and what do i say when you tell me!
ex: Hmmmm

God give me strength!!!
I dont think i will be sleeping with him, ive remembered what a prat he is!

I just recieved a text from a man I had a breif affair with before i met his majesty...I think I may sleep with him this weekend! lol

Your Majesty,
As you know, Im not great with words...in fact Im not 'great' with anything, Im just ok, and probably always will be. I have an ok house, i drive an ok car, i wear ok clothes. I dont get out as much as id like, id love to do more things, and go to more places, but im sure that will all come in time. Puppies make me smile, ive been known to hug a tree!! Im sensitive, caring, very easily pleased, and just want to be happy. I may not have much, but what I do have ive worked hard for and achieved myself, and im very proud of this.
You, on the other hand, are self centred, manipulative, and the biggest control freak ive ever come across! All you care about are material things, and gettin what you want. Did I ever tell you that your arse looks huge in those versace jeans, and i once drove your porsche home from the shops with the handbreak on? You are, what we'd call in our town, ' a total cock'

oh bugger, my mums on her way round for coffee...to be continued later!!

Well, Ive finaly got my answer. If i remmeber rightly, in an earlier post i predicted that his majesty would make me sweat for a bit before threatening to end it, unless I do this or that. I think i get 10 out of ten, for predicting the behaviour of the male tosser!
Despite my good mood earlier in the evening, it slipped, and i ended up getting more and more depressed, so I called him ( sorry!) He didnt answer. so then i chose a new tactic, and text sayin i was a bit worried about him, and could he let me know he was ok ( worried about him my arse!!) he replied straigh away 'Im ok' I replied ' are we over' he replied 'yep' ( he didnt even have the decency to say yes sorry, or even just yes...just a cocky 'yep'!!) Ok so this is the part where my stomach is in my mouth, hearts beating so hard its nearly popping out my chest, and Im in a total panic! Im sure its not just me that gets that feeling? when this total panic comes, there is absolutely nothing i can do about my actions, and i mean nothing! Ill try deep breaths, ok ok think about this, do not panic, its ok, dont say anything stupid...but alas, the begging begins. I can look back 30 mins later, and think to myself 'omg you said what??' but at the time, i have no control. Cmon there must be someone that can relate to this? no?? bugger!
so after a couple more texts from me, asking why why why, and desperate unanswered phone calls, he finally texts again. Im going to write these word for word so you get the real idea!...altho i wont tell you my replies, for fear of looking a total desperate dope!
'we are not right for each other, yes we get on well, but i want more than that, there are too many things that we see and do different, i want different things than you do. ive been thinking over the last few days and i dont want to have to put up with it anymore'
'your not right for me, you just want the easy slow paced life, i wanna go places, do things, not with someone who smokes and leaves ash everywhere ( hes been tryin to get me to give up smoking for ages!!)I want someone who lives closer to me ( hes been tryin to get me to move to london!)
At this point i think i said id give up smoking and move in with him, ok ok i can see the funny side now, but at the time it just comes out!!
'look how long ive asked you to stop smoking, i dont expect you to do it right away but you havent even tried. you're a country girl whos used to that life style. how can you change that?
after a few more similar texts, with me replying that id change...he said he was going to bed and hed text when he got home from work, and not to 'bother him before then' !!!
so basically, as predicted, hes making demands, and by saying its over, he knows ill do it.
Now the weird thing is, now im back slightly in control and i know if i try hard enough he'll stay with me, Im sane again, and im starting to think what an asshole!! and in a slightly warped kind of way, im planning my revenge...the only thing is, ill need to be in control before i can be strong and end it, otherwise my feelings get the better of me, and il find myself begging again...does this make any sense at all? My goodness, i think i need a shrink!!! lol
On the other hand, all the things hes asked me to do, give up smoking, move away, change my lifestlye, etc etc, are things that i really do want to do anyway, but i will never do them unless i get a huge push, which im getting..which kind of makes me think, maybe this is what im supposed to do. oh what to do!!
If anyone has actually read the whole of this, and havent died from laughing, a little advice would be great. :-)

Well I havent thrown up for about 5 hours now, so ive decided to crack open a bottle of...vodka lol. Ive done the housework, with madonna blaring..even managed a bit of a dance with the dog ( who wasnt impressed) and have discovered that the pepper pot makes an excellent pretend mic. Now the house is lovely and clean, ive moved the laptop into front room, and settled on sofa with a blanket, ready for emerdale, corrie, and then later the dreaded big brother! I havent thought about his majesty for at least..ummmm...5 minutes lol
My eldest dog is quie senile, and hes really doing my head in tonight. hes wandering in and out of room, over and over, then he'll go to the back door like he needs to go out, you let him out and he comes straight back in again, you shut the door and he waits at it again! this has happened so many times tonight ive left the door open....hence the blanket!

ok ok I know, your tired of hearing about it lol. I just want a couple opinions if poss...should i text and just ask if its over? or is that being a doormat? im really terrible at this, but i need to know if its over

Well..Im trying coffee now, and sipping slowly. Hopefully ill keep it down! I always knew my cooking was bad, but im sure its never actually made anyone sick!
ok, well, its coming up to 3 days, and no, I still havent heard anything. what id like to know is, if our feelings are our feelings, why cant we control them! I dont know what to think anymore, but im gettin to the stage where im thinking hes never gonna call. either that or hes waiting for me to say sorry and beg, and im determined not to do that! I dont think i ever want to feel like this again.
anyway, its raining again, ive had washing on the line for almost a week now! ( yes im a pikey sally) I kep meaning to get it in and wash it again, but i guess im a lazy bitch!
My eldest dog has a cold..i didnt even know dogs could get colds, but hes sniffly and snotty, and that realy doesnt help with the dodgy tummy!